Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
