Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Are we still banned from the library?
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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