New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
My ATM looks so different sober.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
