wat bout pragnant strippers??
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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