Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize
