If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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