I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
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