so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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