I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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