i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
