she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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