I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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