My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Randomize
