I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
