Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
