My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
