I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
