There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
