Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
