i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
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