No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
