why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
