I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
