the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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