Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
