you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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