I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
