I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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