I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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