I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
...so i touched it.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
