it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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