She said her name was "party"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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