I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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