It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize
