I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
