she was so not down for the gang bang
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
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