Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
