The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
