so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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