I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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