I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
