My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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