lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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