i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
