she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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