Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
