I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
