I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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