This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
