too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
